Overload

I have so many things going on in my life right now. It's so stressful that physically and emotionally my body is on 'auto pilot'. Honestly, because of how busy my weekdays are I really shouldn't be up at this hour. But I haven't really taken much time for myself since Feb. I don't really get to do anything that I actually "enjoy", most of my week consist of assignments and running around to prepare for the next week. Don't get me wrong, I love the police academy because it's what I want to do...but it's also a lot of work. (as are most things worth having). Right now as I'm writing I'm watching figure skating on CN8. I really miss being on the ice. I keep sayin that even though I can't take my lessons right now that I'm going to just go to the open skating sessions just to relieve some stress...but I never get around to doing it. It's funny although I hate, absolutely hate, cold weather....I love being on the ice, especially when I'm stressed. The coldness kinda numbs me I guess. I haven't written much either, which really sucks because I've taken on a side assignment to write for a upcoming men's magazine.

Through all this I have to consciencely make an effort to not emotionally shut out those around me. It goes without saying that any emotional strength I have left over at the end of my week or day is going to go to my husband first. But that's easier said than done...sometimes when I come home I go right to sleep and usually don't wake up till it's time for me to start the next day. (I have a new appreciation for weekends) I'm so drained from my weekdays that on the weekend I don't want to do anything except stay in the house and sleep. I force myself to have a social life.

Church was helping for a while. I would get up and go to church on Sunday and feel spiritually capable of dealing with anything put on my plate Monday through Friday. But then I started desperately needing both Saturday and Sunday to sleep in late. Not to mention that most weeks Sunday is the only day that me and my husband both have all day with each other. And he doesn't go to church.

Well, it's back at it again tomorrow. The most I can do is walk through Monday-Friday like a zombie, and hope somebody wakes me and let me know when Saturday gets here.